Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
