bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
