I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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