I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
