he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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