oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
