I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm getting married
To pizza
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
