Having a random hookup so left but love u
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
