i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
