Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
