he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she looked like the before picture.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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