I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We have so much sex to catch up on
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
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I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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