He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
