Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
