I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
