woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
