K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I stole a fireplace last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
