YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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