She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
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