so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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