The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
