I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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