This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
