420 ftw
two words: eviction party
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
