If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
