she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Is it because I queefed?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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