I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
