if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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