Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
