Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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