Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
