sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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