before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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