Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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