Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
