I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
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I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
is that a dick in a sweater?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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