I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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