Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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