I must be too annoying 4 u.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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