Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
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