Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
