woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
