I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
