he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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