dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
