I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
