why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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