i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My liver just had a heart attack.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
