no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Alive.
So much puke
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
