At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
