Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
