I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
