You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
