I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
are you so shy because you have an std?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
