I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
As shirtless as possible
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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