He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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