i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
