He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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