she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
