The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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