Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
