I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
