So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Why can't burritos get me drunk
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
