ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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