you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
