Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
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It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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