The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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