Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
