I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
