A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
