Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
