All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
