While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
